Monday, May 31, 2010
'There always comes a time of elimination. The earth sheds each year. The trees and flowers let go of their identity. As the old identity dies, a new identity is born. Our bodies also shed constantly. Some of it happens invisibly, so naturally and silently that we do not realise that it's happening. The heart and spirit also shed. They shed the emotions and experiences that we no longer need or that no longer serve us. They shed the things that stunt our growth and hold us back. This, too, is an invisible process. Yet - because of the emotional energy involved, we often feel the emotional and spiritual shedding - it feels as if we are dying. We are. Just like the flowers and the trees, we are dying to an old identity. This shedding, or death is not the end of us. It is the beginning.'
Excerpt from 'Yesterday, I Cried' by Iyanla Vanzant.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
I have a secret garden where I grow my own miracles. Seeds of beautiful thoughts, nurtured with self-love, acceptance and gratitude, watered daily with positive affirmations - have the potential to change the direction of my life, transform me, recreate my reality and ultimately manifest my destiny.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
'When you need to be loved, you take love from wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your sense of self. It grows from your ability to recreate within yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life. When you have not had loving experiences, or when you do not have a sense of self, the true essence of love eludes you. Instead you hold onto, reach out to, and find yourself embroiled in, your mistaken beliefs about yourself and love.' Excerpt from 'Yesterday, I Cried' by Iyanla Vanzant.
Love has eluded me. I thought it was outside of myself, I was mistaken. I believe that we cannot give from an 'empty cup' and I've been empty and depleted for a long time. Now that I'm working on my sense of self and 'filling my cup', I'm moving towards being able to give freely from my overflow. I'm expanding my capacity to FEEL. I'm laying foundations. I'm preparing my heart for miraculous things to come.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I cannot change the past, but I can choose to remind myself of it’s beauty. Our lives are fleeting, let's savour the beauty of each moment and keep them close to our hearts. Reminisce about the sweet times. Make each moment beautiful and meaningful. Make memories.
Monday, May 24, 2010
'Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.' ~ Mark Twain
'What could you want that
forgiveness cannot give?
Do you want peace? Forgiveness offers it.
Do you want happiness, a quiet mind,
a certainty of purpose,
and a sense of worth and beauty
that transcends the world?
Do you want care and safety,
and warmth of sure protection always?
Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed,
a gentleness that cannot be hurt,
a deep abiding comfort
and a rest so perfect it can never be upset?
All this forgiveness offers you.
You who want peace
can find it only by complete forgiveness.' ~ A Course in Miracles
Today I choose to be in a space of forgiveness, a soothing balm for my soul. A way to turn the page.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
'God isn't chocolate, He's the encounter between chocolate and a palate capable of appreciating it.' Amelié Nothomb, The Life of Hunger
Aah, cravings. Today I indulged in a piece of superb chocolate mousse cake in honour of my precious brother's 30th birthday. It was so nice to have my family in my home today, all crammed in, enjoying tea and cake, all the laughter and silliness. I'm learning to open my 'sacred space' to others - opening my home and welcoming people in is a dramatic change from the way I have lived - solitary, protected, closed. This day mirrors my personal growth. Makes me happy.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Today my Yogi tea bag tag's daily wisdom states: 'Happiness is taking things as they are.' Taking people as they are, taking my growth as it is, taking the lessons offered for what they are, accepting what IS. Practicing detaching from the outcome. Allowing the Universe to teach me, trusting that I will emerge stronger than before.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My Mother's Eyes ~ 'I am a woman who needs to be seen. I need it in a basic way, as in to breathe, to eat. Or not to be seen, that is the other increasingly attractive option, to give up the lifelong preoccupation of finding myself in others' eyes, the need to be taken in so that my existence is noted.'
Excerpt from 'The Gaze' from the book 'The Power of Beauty' by Nancy Friday.
I want to be seen, to be valued, trusted, loved. It is all I want and have always wanted. What's the lesson when the Universe shows me twice in one day that finally having enough confidence to open my heart, invite people in and give freely of myself can end in disappointment? It's risking being seen, revealing my true self and ultimately being rejected. Like arrows to the heart.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
'Whatever pain we might be in, let's choose thoughts that nourish and support us. We're always perfect, always beautiful, and ever-changing. We're doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge and awareness that we have now.' ~ Louise L. Hay
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I am aware of my need to intellectualise every aspect of healing. My intellect is my default response to growing and learning about myself, my instant reaction, the way I learned to cope, what I rely on - to KNOW, to UNDERSTAND, to RESEARCH and find REASON. Being a deep thinker, being wordy and cerebral. My intellect helps me dispel the fear that rises up in me when confronted with painful change and emotion. I've found that transforming myself from the inside out is the most alarmingly painful and truthful process of all, to finally confront the questions and the dark heaviness inside.
Real spiritual growth is deeper than the intellect. I honour my intellect and thirst for knowledge as valuable parts of myself but I can see now that UNDERSTANDING only gets me so far on this journey. If I can learn how to go beyond the mind, beyond thought, I can tap into an unlimited resource of truth and love, being open to discovering the depths of my soul - REAL KNOWING. I'm beginning to lead my life with my heart, not (just) my head.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Universe operates through dynamic exchange - giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the Universe. Through our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the Universe circulating in our lives.
I will make the commitment to put the Law of Giving and Receiving into effect in my life by taking the following steps:
- Wherever I go and whoever I encounter, I will bring them a gift. The gift may be a compliment, a flower or a prayer. Today I will give something to everyone I come into contact with - and so I will begin the process of circulating joy, wealth and affluence in my life and in the lives of others.
- Today I will gratefully receive all the gifts that life has to offer me. I will receive the gifts of nature: sunlight and the sound of birds singing, the colour of autumn leaves or the smell of the rain. I will also be open to receiving from others, whether it be in the form of a material gift, money, a compliment or a prayer.
- I will make a commitment to keep wealth circulating in my life by giving and receiving life's most precious gifts: the gifts of caring, affection, appreciation and love. Each time I meet someone, I will silently wish them happiness, joy and laughter.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
'When women feel strongly, they feel through the womb. They paint through the womb. Her art is gloriously female, there is no stroke laid by her brush that is not ultimately feminine, that's not curiously, arrestingly feminine. The essence of the very woman is in every stroke she makes, every colour she chooses.' Excerpt from Georgia O'Keeffe ~ the film.
One of the most significant artists of the 20th century, Georgia O’Keeffe (1887-1986) was devoted to creating imagery that expressed what she called 'the wideness and wonder of the world as I live in it.'
I love the synchronicity of this idea for me right now. Creativity IS birth. I'm exploring how my capacity to feel is widening, my womb is healing. I'm discovering the significance of being born a woman - with a womb - how the very place I have manifested my dis-ease may be reborn as the place through which I can express and own my creative voice. The place I can feel, the place I can heal, the place from which I can create and find my purpose. Very powerful and integral to my healing process.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Whenever I see a butterfly - I know it's my Mom visiting me, a message of love from the Beyond. An angelic intervention.
'Any experience that uplifts, heals, inspires, enlightens and adds richness, colour and goodness to our lives is angelic. Any story that encourages us to open our minds and shows us that this world is a magical place, filled with astonishing things, is a Divine blessing'. An Angel Called my Name ~ Theresa Cheung
Thursday, May 13, 2010
One of my inspirations - I collect images of her. I'm entranced by Frida Kahlo's balance of femininity, grace and strength. She was a pioneer for female artists and a radical individualist. Her classic style statement just about knocks me over and I'm bewitched by the thought of lush, hot 1930's Mexico City - walled gardens of flowering bougainvillea, braided hair, saturated colors, banners, lanterns and antique lace. One of my favourite movies is Julie Taymor's FRIDA - evocative, romantic, sweeping and tragic. I love Lila Downs' hauntingly magical songs and Salma Hayek is perfect as Frida. My vintage Mexico fantasies will be realised, but till then, it’s unapologetic individuality, metaphorical bright dresses and flowers in the hair for me.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A new perspective on where I find myself, shared by Karin G last week, regarding this 'plateau' I've reached in my life and reflected by my weight loss journey...
A plateau is a beautiful analogy. After a steep climb, achieving and succeeding at transforming my body, growing as a woman and healing my soul; this plateau is a gift. A chance to REST ~ to pause, to breathe, to reflect, to stop, to re-asses and regroup, to refocus my mind and body before bravely embarking onto the next phase of my healing journey ~ balancing healing and living.
This plateau is a resting place, necessary to energise myself for the next stage of the 'climb' and ultimately to achieve the 'summit', the goal (and maintenance after that!) This place I find myself doesn't have to be a place of failure, frustration, disappointment and inner criticism. I can choose to see it differently. No-one can take away the work I've done to get to this point. It's a massive life-changing achievement. I'm learning how to see this journey in perspective - I love this!
It's my intention to lose another 14 kilos. My body has settled at this weight but my mind has not. I know what to do to create this reality but I feel as if I need a plan (P-L-A-N: Predict Life Alternatives Now). I'm engaging the power of intention, my faith, strength, will and focus to make it happen.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
'Anyone can count and tell you how many seeds are in the apple, but only God can tell you how many apples are in each seed.'
How to mindfully eat an apple and turn snacking into a profound meditative experience. Wonderful.
'Mindfulness makes life beautiful and meaningful. When I am mindful of my in-and-out breath and relax my whole body, I am in touch with how good it is to be alive. I can be aware of the beauty of the sky, the smile of the flower, the singing of the birds. I can be deeply in touch with my own suffering and hold it with love and tenderness, rather than suppressing it or running from it. Because I can be truly present for myself, I can be truly present for those around me, listening deeply to them and speaking words that inspire hope and self-confidence.
Select an apple, hold it, observe it, be grateful for it, breathe, bite it, savour it's juiciness, sweetness and freshness, chew consciously, focus, become fully aware in the present moment and feel your connectedness to the Universe.
At its most essential, the apple you hold is a manifestation of the wonderful presence of life. It is interconnected with all that IS. It contains the whole universe, it is an ambassador of the cosmos coming to nourish our existence. It feeds our body, and if we eat it mindfully, it also feeds our soul and recharges our spirit. Eating an apple consciously is to have a new awareness of the apple, of our world and of our own life. It celebrates nature, honoring what Mother Earth and the cosmos have offered us. Eating an apple with mindfulness is a meditation and can be deeply spiritual. With this awareness and insight, you begin to have a greater feeling of gratitude for and appreciation of the food you eat, and your connection to nature and others. Savouring an apple is mindfulness at work, to help you reconnect with yourself and become healthier in mind, body and spirit.'
Savour: Mindful Eating, Mindful Living by Thich Nhat Hanh ~ Vietnamese Buddist Zen Master, poet, scholar and peace activist.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Today I've created a special shrine in honour of my precious Mom - with magenta bougainvillea picked from my garden, a photo of us, incense and a candle. There are a few deep sobs today but I'm loving the sense of celebration this simple act brings to a day that each year wrenches me body and soul. This year I choose to celebrate my maternal legacy, even if it's painful.
Mama, you are always in my heart and are forever part of me. I can sometimes feel your presence and I still talk to you. I miss you everyday, I LOVE YOU. Happy Mother's Day.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Yesterday - a magical and beautiful experience with two very special people. Messages coaxed from deep within: Comfort. I am fertile. Angels, little future angels and my guardian angel.
Today I am discharging, I am opening, I am balancing, I am healing, I am tearful, I am hopeful.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
'Eastern wisdom says we have a Universe within ourselves as profound, as infinite, and as timeless as the Universe outside. Healing is ultimately a journey of self-discovery. A journey through our own inner territory, which we both discover and create at the same time. A journey whose goal is the end of illusion, where we step out of space and time into unbounded freedom.' Deepak Chopra
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My friend Fred reminded me this afternoon: 'Sometimes a friendship is MEANT TO BE for reasons beyond our comprehension. When the bond of friendship has been established and is strong, even when we come into and out of each others lives, the cycle cannot be broken, it's eternal, it continues, it's forever. We need each other, this is not a one-sided thing. It's okay to take a break.' So true, Freddie, I'm glad you are back in my life. I thought you left and had accepted that but now you're back - for a reason - and I'm happy to redefine what you mean to me on this journey, in my new life. Yay.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Surrendering is not giving up, it's trusting in the healing process, an act of belief - of strength, not weakness. It's an invitation to the Universe. A deep faith that where I am is exactly where I'm meant to be.
'When we surrender, we allow the Universe to work its magic; we say YES to infinite possibilities; we trust that things will work out as they are meant to and we give ourselves permission to let go of the outcome. This can be liberating, intimidating, blissful, scary, and a swirl of so many other emotions. But in the end, if we are true to our heart, life unfolds with magnificence… and we get to celebrate.'
~ Davidji, Dean of the Chopra Centre University
Monday, May 3, 2010
Karin G ~ you are a blessing sent from beyond. When I need support, you somehow just 'know'. You are the true meaning of a resource. I am so grateful for knowing you and for your beautiful energy you share. As you said today about additional therapy and outsourcing my healing - I will take my time, feel this out, I KNOW what's best for me. And you're right there with me. Thank you.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I can authentically express my true feelings about where I'm at - a breakthrough in itself - no facades. I feel stuck, demotivated, weak, stagnating, self-sabotaging and guilty, unable to cope and unsure of myself - an unpleasant & unfamiliar place to be. No trying to fix it, no promises of small steps that I can manage, no lists, no plans, no DOING. Just BEING with this, in a position of support for myself AS I AM at this moment. Just seeing myself through it. Life is where you are. Truth and love, that's all.