Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sometimes I find myself clutching to Life - every aspect of Life. I hold tightly onto money - a currency, an exchange that is designed to flow freely - in this way I block Abundance from entering my life, making me fearful and inclined to hold on tighter. I hold onto pain, keeping memories of hurt from my past that keep my resentment fresh and available - in this way my body holds onto extra weight, which hurts me and makes me feel that I sabotage myself. I hold tightly onto people in my life, needing more from them than they are willing to give, using relationships as tests - in this way I 'prove' my unworthiness to myself. My body withholds it's waste, upsetting my natural process of elimination - in this way I feel a failure and get frustrated with my body, I am tempted to fall back into my addictions. I know this blockage is a symptom of something much deeper than digestive problems, a more essential blockage, mirrored in my body. I don't eliminate, I retain, I clutch, I cling, I hold back, I am afraid to release, to let go, to give.
I acknowledge that I have unconsciously believed the illusion of my own control over Life and denied the Universal truth - that trusting and aligning ourselves to the laws of the boundless Universal Intelligence field makes us happier, freer, more fulfilled and peaceful people. I am working on changing my outlook. It is my desire to trust, to surrender, to let go (let Go-d) and let flow - in all aspects of Life. I am learning how to give freely, to detach from outcomes, to release the emotional patterns that no longer serve me, to let people come to me and let myself be enough for them, let myself be a gift to them. To trust that I will not only physically and emotionally survive but spiritually thrive if I can overcome these powerful instincts to clutch onto Life and continue to work at discovering the deeply entrenched Karma that gave rise to them. I am no longer willing to hold myself back from Life, I am ready.