Monday, November 8, 2010

Love Myself with Lentils

Today I weighed myself for the first time in too long. Oh, the fear! As I suspected, I have backtracked, I have begun to slip. All the little indiscretions over the last few months have added up, I can feel I have put on weight. Not a lot but some. I have decided to refocus my priorities NOW and get firmly back on track. Nutrition - exercise - supplementation, it's really very simple. It's time to WAKE UP!

Today I made a promise to myself. Today I recognise the effect that my deeply entrenched food addictions have on the subtle equilibrium of my hormones, my blood sugar, my energy and my well-being. I will listen very carefully to my body's needs. I will make conscious food choices. Eating effects how I feel and how I see myself. How I feel and how I see myself effects how I eat - the irony! My weight fluctuations are reflections of the constrictions I am living through. It's strange how I expand as I constrict! I have used food to reward myself, as an indulgence, a luxury, my something special, to be there for myself, to love myself. To escape loneliness and feelings of fear and hopelessness. I eat my depression. I have begun to depend on little gems of comforting 'soul' food to get me through. A desperate deprivation descends if there isn't something waiting in the fridge for me, a kind of disappointment, a deeply entrenched pattern that's hard to break. It's time to engage the inner parent, not the one who lets me run wild but the one who loves me and knows what the best nutritious choices are and gently guides me towards them. I'm back on track. I will re-balance body and mind. Food is my medicine. I will love myself with lentils, my health is worth more. I am worth more.

PS: Two beautiful gifts from the Universe today that took the edge off these startlingly panicky realisations: an unexpected, high-volume, nostalgic hour of The Cure on VH1 at the gym and a book I really wanted to read - 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy, in quite good condition at the library waiting for me to take it home and get lost in it's pages.

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