Monday, January 31, 2011
'Real change is accompanied by a new insight. Insight is an impulse of love dissolving an old imprint.' ~ Deepak Chopra
The waves of my healing sea dissolve my old imprints in the sand, footprints left behind... old ways of thinking, living and being. With each step forward, new insights, impulses of love create new imprints within, transforming my Being, changing me from the inside out. As I walk steadily on this water's edge, I celebrate this dissolving, this cleansing and eagerly anticipate each new wave, each new step.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
'We don't receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.' ~ Marcel Proust
I had a wonderful time spent in close confidence with my brother today. Thank you little Bean ~ you suggested that we spend time together today and you must have predicted that I would need you so. You just KNOW. We have a very special connection, always have, always will. Thank you for what we shared today ~ for opening yourself and sharing your deepest desire, for listening, being brave and for your honest, sweet tears. There is a mountain of grief we carry together, so much to bear. We are each on our own journey and have the gift of shared experience, through this deep loss we have understanding. And now reassurance ~ a message carried through Lisa to me to you. You are always there for me, your gifts, given so freely, are boundless. I feel we will always be those silhouettes in that picture, long ago, you and me together, watching snowflakes. I love you.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
'Meditation is the basis for all inner work. We might struggle conscientiously to change our limiting qualities, we might saturate ourselves with instructions and help... Yet in the end, it is the direct, naked encounter with our own Awareness that shifts our understanding of who we are and gives us the power to stand firmly in the centre of our Being.' ~ Sally Kempton
I'm doing the Chopra Centre's Winter 21-day Meditation Challenge and have set my intentions for this experience as 'may I bring peace to my grieving process'. As I embark on a new path of this journey ~ working with my new healing resource, Lisa ~ I feel that I am at last ready to face the depths of my grief and heal my heart, working to re-balance my Being through body work at a cellular level and work on my Spirit and emotional body through meditation and intensive crossover work. Powerful and deeply moving! Every step I've taken and all my preparation on this journey has brought me here. I'm allowing myself to open to this process, letting the pain flow to the surface and discharge. Be fragile, be vulnerable, feel everything. A massive inner shift has begun!
I will use the valuable opportunity of the 21-day Meditation Challenge to carry me through this unsettling time of intensive healing, to be a safe haven for me, to find stillness, to check in everyday with my most essential Self. Let it ease this overwhelming feeling of being broken open, newly ripped, a bursting dam of emotion and absolute sheer exhaustion today. Let it be a cooling balm for this bright red rawness, like taking a refreshing daily dip in a deep, fresh pool of water. Let me find balance. Let me truly, truly heal.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
'Being in a state of gratitude actually creates magnetism, and of course, a magnet draws things to itself. By giving authentic thanks for all the good you now have, as well as the challenges, through this magnetism you'll start the flow of more good into your life.' ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
'Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too.' ~ Thomas Fuller
Thank you, my dear Luz ~ for a wonderful time together today, sharing and caring. You are such a good friend to me, a real friend. The definition of a true friend. I appreciate your support through all these victorious highs, uncertain lows and pretty-even in-betweens. You have been by my side, cheering me on. The Universe smiled on me the day we met and connected for life.
Your colour today was yellow, like you ~ a warm ray of sunshine, your beautiful scarf and your bright yellow roses. Happy birthday for Saturday! May your little birdie tweet a happy birthday song to you from the tree outside your window. Love you so much. x
Monday, January 24, 2011
'Give yourself credit. Learn to honour your successes.' ~ Dr Christaine Northrup
I'm giving myself a moment to reflect on all the steps I've made lately to move forward with my healing and my life. Brave changes. I celebrate this time of expansion and action. This is a year of honesty, openness and joy. I'm feeling everything, I'm embracing every moment. Enjoying it. My life is expanding and growing, it can be as big and glorious as I want it to be. Today I choose to give myself some credit and honour my successes!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
'My mother's forgiveness felt like shortbread pastry rubbed between fingers, I could already taste it's sweetness in my mouth.'
It's been a long while since I've read a book that has really stirred me. I found the novel 'Kitchen Casualties' by Willemien de Villiers such a stirrer of memories for me. And of feelings. Maybe it's the realness of her South African voice, the familiarity of the backdrop, the culture or the subtle idiosyncricities of the female characters that tugs at something deep inside. Maybe I'm just turning another page in my grieving process and this book awakened me to it, touched this rawness inside, my grief not as deeply buried as it once was. There are so many aspects of this novel that remind me of my family life, my childhood, the complexity of my relationships with the generations of women in my own family. The tender dynamic between mother and daughter. Especially that.
The reader follows four generations of women, as we experience a single day of their lives, seen through all four pairs of eyes. We are taken on a journey of their memories, their secrets and whispers, which weave an inspiring and heartbreaking story of love, abuse, denial and atonement, against the backdrop of the heart of their homes - their kitchens. Each with their own joy and their own suffering. For me, it's about how we turn into our mothers and how we don't.
I found this novel's meticulously crafted prose so evocative, so organic, rich, tactile and tasty. The sheer beauty of her words bring me tears and laughter, sometimes simultaneously. Through masterful use of language, she takes the seemingly mundane and makes it meaningful and symbolic, sacred even. So feminine, sad, magical. Beautiful. Like opening a dusty old memory box and smelling, touching, feeling everything again since long ago. I remember things long forgotten. Little vignettes of time spent with my Mom when I was a child come back to me. Our close bond that will never leave me. Flapjacks and corned beef and cabbage. Her cooking and baking, especially her baking. Her sewing, knitting and crocheting - buttons and cotton reels, ribbons and knitting needles. Icing wedding cakes, her domestic Goddesshood. She was always creating. Her stories, her laughter. Her Scottish superstitions. Our secret mother/daughter time, sometimes light - as best friends, co-conspirators, heart-to-hearts. Sometimes a unspoken heaviness - complicated, an uneasy truce but always together. Always close. Our time was precious. And short.
A memory lingers, long after this book is returned to the library. I am transported back to being three or four years old, in my mother's kitchen, her mother's kitchen at the old house, 'helping' my Mom bake. Flour everywhere, sunshine streaming in through the window, the wooden kitchen table my grandfather made in his carpentry studio. The old oven, Mom's floral apron. Tartan-patterned flasks. Tea cups hanging on hooks, steps leading out the back door to a concrete courtyard. The smell of butter and sugar creaming. Bright plastic cups I'm using to 'bake' with, to punch out my 'cookies'. The feeling of home, the feeling of Mom. A warm happiness. Now the saltiness of tears mixes with the sweetness of memory. Somehow my tears make them that much sweeter. I know she would agree.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
'Each time we meditate, we have the opportunity to reach through all the layers of our conditioned lives, take our fingers and dip them into stillness, reach back and touch the silence that IS us, so we may live each moment with greater grace and greater ease.' ~ Davidji
'Cultivate the garden within.' ~ Proverb
I'm getting back into my weekly meditation class, starting yesterday evening with a circle of beautiful, feminine women ~ all female meditators this time. Lisa took us through our regular tree meditation and chakra healing meditation and then deeper into a real or imagined 'safe place' in nature. I found myself under a very tall old tree, with a canopy of green leaves full of bird life above and sweet-smelling wild grass below. We then looked towards the horizon where a shimmering pink light beckoned us to cross into another world. Walking through this warm, angelic light, I entered a secret garden.
A lush, well-established Victorian garden ~ ivy-covered old stone walls, a decorative wrought-iron gate, an old fountain green with lichen, thick rose bushes bursting with all colours of large open roses, birds, bees, butterflies and dragonflies. Classical, beautiful. My own garden of the mind, garden of the soul. We were guided to look carefully at the detail in our gardens, examine where there may be areas that need weeding or pruning. I found a patch of weeds I felt needed to be removed. I surprised myself at my quick decisiveness when weeding this patch. To me, this mirrors my recent purge of my belongings and spring cleaning of my home. It is also a reflection of my current willingness to take decisive action in many aspects of my life. A time for putting plans into action and DOING! While we were clearing away our weeds and making space for new growth, Lisa encouraged us to ask what we were letting go of. I heard a voice say: 'Let go of your grief. Let it go. Let go of your feelings of unworthiness. All is well.' A large bright pink rose revealed itself through the diminishing weeds. Vibrant and feminine, with space to bloom and grow and flourish.
I had some discomfort in my body throughout the meditation, pain even. A sensation of a warm hand pressing down on my left shoulder, so warm, it almost burned. A pulse in my left foot, my feminine side communicating to me, being activated, crying out. The unusual headache I had yesterday increased quite considerably in intensity after our meditation. Lisa assured me it is my body expressing my healing, discharging negative energy and emotions. I have been working on trying to manage an unusually high level of stress lately and can feel this stress in my body, so getting back to my regular mediation healing circle will help!
The angel card I selected after meditation read: 'ACHIEVEMENT' ~ Chase your dreams; you may be surprised by where they lead you.' The card illustration shows a little girl in Victorian dress chasing butterflies in a garden with a butterfly net. She is running from under a tall old tree, a canopy of green above... goosebumps!
I had thought to bring my anxiety about my recent discovery of some changes in my breast tissue due to my hormone fluctuations, which were revealed to me at my annual mammogram last week, to this meditation class. To look within for the reassurance I seek about my uncharted healing path and to possibly share my concerns with my fellow meditators, with a view to exploring their opinions on alternative therapies. I did share this with these wonderful women. My experience goes deeper though. I believe I received a message of reassurance and love from beyond by selecting this angel card. My Mom speaks to me in peculiar ways. Whenever I see a butterfly hovering nearby, I know it's her visiting me. I KNOW my precious Mom was telling me not to worry about my breast health, to take these physical changes in stride, celebrate the fact that I am healthy! That my dream of achieving balance and holistic healing on all levels of my Being IS being realised... chasing butterflies, chasing dreams.
The word 'achievement' is so significant to me at this moment. I'm working hard at stepping into my own personal power. I'm achieving many small short term goals, turning dreams into plans and acting on those plans. I am making things happen. I had also weighed myself yesterday and had lost another kilogram. Achievement! So many achievements, just look at how far I've come.
What an amazing evening ~ learning how to cultivate our soul gardens, how to embrace ways of living that honour our fullness and our Goddesshood. Thank you, Lisa G, Callie and Lisa L for yesterday, for such a happy, healing circle of light, where I feel so welcomed and where it's safe to share my deepest Self.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
'Life is bringing me everything I need and more.' ~ Louise L. Hay
My Louise L. Hay 'I Can Do It!' 2011 Desk Calendar, now sits at my work station in my kitchen, where I am sure to read and re-read it throughout each day. A thoughtful and inspiring gift from my beautiful sister for my birthday last year. Aah ~ 365 daily gifts of positive, energising affirmations. I am love, love, loving this visual daily reminder to AFFIRM my sparkling new life! Thank you, Sue! x
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
In this journey
We travel in the company of our brothers.
While a woman's essential task
is to become truly and fully WOMAN,
are we not all interconnected and interdependent?
Are we not all One?
As leaves are separate yet all joined onto one branch
and separate branches joined into one tree-trunk
and all trees standing alone,
yet aren't all their roots twined and interconnected?
Thanks for the inspiration, Callie! x
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Today I have a deep ache in my abdomen, I wear a belt of physical pain. I feel quite unwell ~ weak and sad, in need of some nurturing. At the same time, I am so, so happy to see the arrival of my menstrual gift at this perfect time. Exactly 28 days. My cycles are correcting themselves naturally and spontaneously. I am so grateful for that. I celebrate this ache! I am able to make space to hold both emotions within me simultaneously, I have the capacity now to do this juggling act. I can be in pain, feel sadness and still feel elation about this personal victory.
I burn incense today in honour of my beautiful, healing body and my restored fertility. To experience this epitome of feminine power, the vibrancy of my own, personal red statement. Of being all WOMAN. It's amazing. I am blooming silently, growing, healing. This process is so beautiful, so natural, so delicate and so deeply personal. Like invisible red rose petals scattered lightly around me, trailing behind, everywhere I go.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm embracing the realities of where I am in my life. Even though I have intentions to make changes, I can celebrate where I'm at now.
This is my season for being alone. I have the deep desire in my heart to change this but I can choose to ENJOY being single. This is my season for living and working in the home I have created for myself. I'm working on renovating my patio space this month, enhancing my creative sanctuary a bit. I would like to move to another place but I can enjoy this one. I can choose to LOVE this space. I can feel more at home here, for the time being. Just be here now. This is my season for finding myself at yet another plateau in my weight loss journey. I can lose more weight, I can work my way down to my goal weight, 10 kilos away. But I can APPRECIATE my body as it is today. Live in my body in this moment and really feel it. Listen to it. Remember at all times to tap into my infinite well of inner wisdom and healing.
I don't need to cling to a deep dissatisfaction with areas of my life in order to manifest changes. I can be happy and still change. I embrace my life, as it is, right now. I am grateful for what it is and what I have, right now. I choose to accept reality and gently moving ahead. New seasons are coming.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
'Mere colour, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways.' ~ Oscar Wilde
As 2011 begins and a new year lies before us like a tantalizing gift of infinite possibilities to imagine, create and BE ~ I am so grateful for the gift of my creative sensibilities and my deep appreciation for colour in all its forms. Everyday I feel inspired and heartened by this feast of visual 'soul food' that surrounds me. Colour is therapy for me. Life is a rainbow. We can paint it any colour we choose.
Thanks for the quote + the colour inspiration, Mich!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
'Love is the greatest healing power I know. Love can heal even the deepest and most painful memories because love brings the light of understanding to the darkest corners of our hearts and minds. No matter how painful our early childhood was, loving our inner child NOW will help us to heal it.' ~ Louise L. Hay
Monday, January 10, 2011
Last week, when my dear friend Michelle was in my city, she visited me for tea and brought some beautiful, thoughtful gifts along for me. One of the gifts was a gorgeous, large Chinese fan with an authentic Chinese painting of a red bird on it. Mich knows I love all forms of Chinoiserie! The symbolism of this gift goes much, much deeper though ~ from soul to soul.
She told me she was drawn to this fan because of the red bird. I KNOW there is a spiritual connection that draws us to certain things. I was intrigued to find out more about the meaning of this animal totem and what the spiritual significance of a red bird could be in my life. Upon her return to her home, we did some long-distance research over the phone and discovered the red bird is in fact a red cardinal ~ a highly symbolic animal totem.
The cardinal, a red finch, reminds us to hold ourselves with pride, he asks us to step into our natural confidence with grace and humility. The red cardinal represents renewed vitality through recognising our personal power. He offers safe passage into this realm of harnessing our personal power. Balancing our feminine energies (linked to intuition) with our masculine energies (associated with perseverance and strength) are necessary to attain our personal power in order to make our dreams manifest.
The red cardinal represents passion, vibrancy and warmth, adding a splash of energetic colour to our Beings! The cardinal’s red feathers represent blood and the life force called Kundalini, within the Yoga discipline, situated at the root chakra, which is located at the base of the spine. This chakra represents our foundation and is related to survival issues such as financial independence, money and food, our grounding, endurance, safety, the physical body and health.
Aah! Talk about shedding some bright light on my healing journey! Plenty of what I'm working on right now, at the beginning of 2011, is intricately woven into me fully understanding, accepting and embracing my personal power in order to take action and manifest the changes I desire in my life. I am constantly working on chakra healing and balancing. I put a lot of awareness onto my root chakra, how I can feel safe while harnessing my personal power ~ such a key energy centre for me! The balancing of masculine and feminine energies underpins so much of my physical, emotional and spiritual healing work! My femininity has blossomed, now I am working on reintroducing my masculine energies, balancing 'being' and 'doing' and moving forward in a more balanced way. Red is one of my essential healing colours, the colour of feminine power, blood and fertility.
Thank you, my Mich ~ for being so insightful and bringing me this profound, healing gift of vibrancy, balance and power. A message of reassurance. I do love you so.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Two of my top New Year messages I thought I'd share, from two of my favourite people in the world:
'May we sky dive into 2011 with our arms, eyes and hearts wide open. Just let go and allow. Everything is being handled for you. The end of another chapter and the beginning of a grand and exciting fresh start. Keep it real. Keep it simple. Keep it beautiful and know you are loved.'
~ Michelle T
'May the year be as full as it needs to be, as empty as we want it to be and as satisfying as God grants us. Love + warm hug till we meet.' ~ Karin G
Thank you, sweet ones, my angels on Earth. Big inner smile... :)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
'Our angel guides awaken us to our clear connection with the Divine and lead us upon the path of our life's purpose.' ~ Doreen Virtue
'How do we go about receiving help from our angels? The angels have a purpose to enact God’s will, which is peace on Earth, one person at a time. These Beings know that if each of us is peaceful, then we’ll have a world of peaceful people. So, really, your life’s purpose is to be at peace and the angels want to help you with this. While it’s true that challenges do help us grow, the angels also say that serenity leads to even bigger growth. Through tranquility, our schedules and creativity are more open to giving service, and our bodies operate at a healthier frequency. Our relationships thrive and blossom, and we’re shining examples of God’s love.
Sometimes people say: 'Well, God already knows what I need, so I won’t ask for anything.' However, we were created with free will. This means that God and the angels can’t intervene into our lives without our permission. In other words, we must ask for their help before they can assist us. It doesn’t matter how you ask, but only that you do. You can say your request aloud, silently or in writing. You can sing, whisper, type or even scream your request for Heaven’s guidance. You can word it in positive, affirmative ways or as an appeal of supplication. Any form of asking for assistance is enough to give God and the angels permission to intervene.
I also hear people say: 'I don’t want to bother Heaven with my small tasks.' To celestial Beings, nothing is too small or too large. They simply want to help us with whatever brings us peace, and many times it’s small favours that result in long-lasting peacefulness. The angels say that it’s also the small stresses in life that erode peace. So ask for help, as your contribution to world peace!'
Excerpt from 'The Angel Therapy Handbook' by Doreen Virtue
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
'The best opportunities in life are the ones we create. Goal setting provides for you the opportunity to create an extraordinary life.'
~ Gary Blair
'I bless 2010 with love and look forward to new creations in 2011.'
~ Louise L. Hay
I'm working on clearing out my home of all the things I no longer need, making split second decisions between keep, donate or throw away. It's such a cleansing experience, making space for the new. It's a spiritual experience, this physical reflection of a big purge, letting go of (emotional) baggage that no longer serves me. So rejuvenating and freeing! A clear head and lighter heart are essential to getting clear on my goals for this year. To sharpen my intentions. I am preparing to start on my vision boards for 2011, something I haven't done for 7 years! There has been a lot of dreaming, not enough planning. Too many fear-induced 'cant's'. I wasn't ready before now and that is okay too. The time for action is here and this realisation makes me happy! I can, I sure can.
Monday, January 3, 2011
'Whatever we are waiting for ~ peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance ~ it will surely come to us. But only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.'
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
Life goes on. Today I start my day searching for beauty and grace in everything I see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Being aware of it helps me look forward, reassures me. It's a balm for my soul. Simple abundance surrounds me, it is everywhere. Some days, I'm just too much in my own head to look for it.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
'I am not a Messiah, and I am not a missionary. I am not here to establish a church or to give a doctrine to the world, a new religion, no. My effort is totally different: a new Consciousness not a new religion, not a new doctrine. Enough of doctrines and religions! Man needs a new Consciousness. And the only way to bring Consciousness is to go on hammering from all sides so that slowly, slowly chunks of your mind drop away. The statue of a Buddha is hidden within you. Right now you are a rock. If I go on hammering, cutting chunks out of you, slowly the Buddha will emerge.' ~ Osho
Every one of us is an emerging Buddha, a hidden sculpture of pure Consciousness and potentiality, ultimate beauty, grace and perfection trapped within an ego mind of solid rock.
Today I am wrestling with my ego. Feeling trapped in it's weight. I know that we are perfect creations exactly as we are, wrapped within our egos. But it's not a pretty sight, this fight. Old shadows of dark depression lick at my heels today. I feel physically fragile after a night of malady, this fragile state intensifies my feeling bleak and alone. Neglected. Sad. Unlovable. These feelings are still activated inside me now and again. They are real. Let me feel what I'm feeling, honour these feelings and then find a way to move past them.
My awareness is growing, I am witnessing myself being visited by a dark heaviness, these tendencies. I have healed so much but sometimes my shadows are visible to me, this part of me finds me again. My unconscious hopelessness, the blackest of black places comes back to me. It visits me. Sits with me for a while. There was a time when I wanted to die.
Now I am living. LIVING. Living with my ego mind, accepting it but KNOWING that my Buddha within is always emerging ~ with every word I read, every minute I meditate, every affirmation silently spoken, every moment of self-nurturance, all the time spent on my blog, all the healing work I do daily on this journey ~ EMERGING.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
'Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honour your Creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen... yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.'
~ Bradley Whitford