Sunday, January 2, 2011
'I am not a Messiah, and I am not a missionary. I am not here to establish a church or to give a doctrine to the world, a new religion, no. My effort is totally different: a new Consciousness not a new religion, not a new doctrine. Enough of doctrines and religions! Man needs a new Consciousness. And the only way to bring Consciousness is to go on hammering from all sides so that slowly, slowly chunks of your mind drop away. The statue of a Buddha is hidden within you. Right now you are a rock. If I go on hammering, cutting chunks out of you, slowly the Buddha will emerge.' ~ Osho
Every one of us is an emerging Buddha, a hidden sculpture of pure Consciousness and potentiality, ultimate beauty, grace and perfection trapped within an ego mind of solid rock.
Today I am wrestling with my ego. Feeling trapped in it's weight. I know that we are perfect creations exactly as we are, wrapped within our egos. But it's not a pretty sight, this fight. Old shadows of dark depression lick at my heels today. I feel physically fragile after a night of malady, this fragile state intensifies my feeling bleak and alone. Neglected. Sad. Unlovable. These feelings are still activated inside me now and again. They are real. Let me feel what I'm feeling, honour these feelings and then find a way to move past them.
My awareness is growing, I am witnessing myself being visited by a dark heaviness, these tendencies. I have healed so much but sometimes my shadows are visible to me, this part of me finds me again. My unconscious hopelessness, the blackest of black places comes back to me. It visits me. Sits with me for a while. There was a time when I wanted to die.
Now I am living. LIVING. Living with my ego mind, accepting it but KNOWING that my Buddha within is always emerging ~ with every word I read, every minute I meditate, every affirmation silently spoken, every moment of self-nurturance, all the time spent on my blog, all the healing work I do daily on this journey ~ EMERGING.