Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Heart is a Sun


'I have never been contained, except I made the prison.' ~ Mary Evans

Another startling meditation group last week. This time I received a subtle message from beyond ~ so subtle, a whisper really, a fleeting thought, so soft and gentle yet so meaningful and soul-stirring.

The theme of this meditation was releasing self-sabotaging thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. We had the opportunity to free ourselves of our conscious and subconscious sabotage patterns ~ the things we think, say or do that undermine our growth and are not for our Highest Good ~ the things that limit our potential to heal our lives. We were encouraged to examine what the pay-off is for us to continue this pattern of self-sabotage, how we keep ourselves in prisons of our own making, how it keeps us safe... and stuck. We were asked to just focus on being willing to release whatever is limiting us, calling on our Higher Power ~ God/Goddess/All That Is to help us heal and make a subtle yet profound shift in our Consciousness. No need to get too entangled in analysing every detail of our self-sabotage, just be open and allow the healing energy in, to just release and let go. The consequences of even a subtle shift can be far-reaching and even life-changing.

The meditation starts in a safe place in nature. I was in a fragrant, thick pine forest ~ tall pine trees surround me, the sun filtering through the pines. I can see the detail of the bark, I feel a bed of pine needles underfoot, pine cones and a tangy, fresh smell of damp earth. I see orbs of light flying around me, guiding me. At first I thought they were fireflies but I feel that these orbs of light are angels, faeries, spiritual Beings, bringers of love and healing light ~ angel orbs. We are asked to take note of a pink light on the horizon, which I can see through the trees. It beckons us. I follow the light, the angel orbs of light accompany me into another time and space. I find myself standing before a massive Nordic lake, it is dark and stormy, the water is a dark indigo colour, the sky thick and dark with snowy clouds. The air is crisp and cold. I see icebergs on the lake, white tips above the surface ~ our conscious lives, what we show the world and the larger body of the iceberg below the surface ~ our subconscious, what is hidden from the world and sometimes hidden from ourselves. These are our deeply held icebergs of self-sabotage. Mine are huge, gnarled, thickly frozen, organically-shaped blocks of ice. They contain sea creatures that are static, frozen in the thick ice, I see fish, eels, turtles, an octopus, dolphins, starfish, jellyfish, all so still. It makes me sad. To me this is symbolic of the happiness, liveliness and beauty that I deny myself on some level. My self-sabotaging patterns keep me frozen, stuck and in pain. I identify my current pattern of self-sabotage as my addiction to food and the ways I sabotage myself on my weight-loss journey and compromise my hormone health by giving in to cravings for sugar and refined carbohydrates, repeating the cycle of gaining and losing the same 4 kilograms at my current plateau. (Aargh!) We are asked to remove our icebergs, either with force, exploding them apart or to gently melt them. My orbs, my suns, my circles of light touch the surface of the lake and it feels like the sun comes out. It gets warmer and brighter, sunlight breaks through the clouds. A warm, healing energy permeates the water, warming it through, the icebergs gently start moving, start to melt. The creatures frozen in their ice traps swim free. It is a huge sense of release. A freeing of stuck energy. A happiness. My healing brings such light, warmth and love. I bring all this. My heart is a sun that wants to burst and unfreeze the Universe!

I leave the lake with my angel orbs hovering nearby, I see and somehow feel my Mom's energy with me. She is here with me. We hold hands and walk back through the trees, arms swinging, I glance back at my sunny lake and smile an inner smile.

I sense a Being nearby trying to communicate with me, it is calling me, it is a young energy. I hear a small voice calling me, it is very gentle and sweet, so vulnerable. It wants to be loved, it is asking me to love it. I instantly say to it: 'I will be your mother, come to me, I'm your Mama.' My authentic, unrehearsed response pops up from a deep place, a tender place. I believe this Being to be the spirit of my future daughter. The one I didn't even know I wanted. I recognise her. My Mom's energy was present during this meditation, did she bring my daughter's energy to me? Has all the inner work I'm doing cleared the way for this message to find me? This quick and subtle soul-kiss from beyond is such an unexpected discovery. This daughter of mine may be visiting me from a past life, she may be for me to love in this lifetime or in future lifetimes. She may be my own inner child making herself known, returning home. I am open to ALL. It's a precious moment I will cherish forever.

An astounding synchronicity, as the angel card I selected read: 'ROSETTA ~ You have a gift for working with young people and your Divine purpose involves helping, teaching or parenting children.' The card is pink with an illustration of a little girl holding a bunch of roses. A gift of such beauty, it is (almost) beyond words, I feel blessed.

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