Monday, May 23, 2011
My Breast Care Affirmation:
'Thank you Mom ~ for showing me through your life, cancer and death that I can choose to take care of myself as priority. I now lovingly honour, support and nurture myself fully. I love my healthy body and I love my healthy breasts. I trust that all is well.'
I can best honour myself and my precious Mom's memory by choosing the parts of her legacy that are right for me and releasing the parts that are not. I will carry my mother's legacy of love and devotion into my life but I have chosen to reject the legacy of self-neglect, martyrdom, depletion and dis-ease that caused her to be taken from me when I still needed her so much. She has given me a great gift. Thank you, Mom, I love you. x
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
'Angels descending, bring from above, echoes of mercy, whispers of love.' ~ Fanny J. Crosby
Meditation last week was a rejuvenating experience. It is very special to me to make the commitment to carve out regular time to connect with like-minded individuals, to find stillness, go within and then share my awakenings and insights with other beautiful souls in our sacred circle of love and acceptance. It is a privilege to grow together. I've missed this!
This time our meditation focused on dying to the aspects of ourselves that no longer serve our Highest Good. I went deep. I felt physical sensations that I haven't felt before during meditation, such as a light pressure between the brows at my third eye chakra and a tingling at the back of my head, as if someone was placing their hands gently over my head and sending warm, healing energy vibrations through me. My feet felt magnetically pulled into the earth. I felt centred and tuned in. There were a few occasions during the session where I almost, almost felt and heard something, something of great importance and meaning being communicated to me but somehow communicated beyond the mind or the senses, a deep knowing. I felt on the edge of a revelation and the presence of a powerful angelic Being. Then it was gone, leaving behind a peaceful feeling of falling deeper and deeper into infinite, limitless space.
My safe place in nature was a forest of trees with dappled sunlight cascading over a thousand different greens surrounding me. Magical! A shimmering light beckons and I walk through the trees touching the tree trunks until I reach this light and walk through it into another time and space. I'm on a mountain top, with rocky cliffs and massive jagged mountains for miles. It is a barren, dry landscape, hauntingly stark and beautiful. There is a clearing, here the red earth is softer. I begin to dig the earth, I know that I am digging a grave and I know it is my own grave but I am calm and feel at peace. This is a sacred ritual. There are no negative connotations to this. My spiritual guide is with me, as is my Highest Self. These Beings don't appear to me in a physical form, they are energies ~ formless, present, loving, shining and eternal. I am safe here. I lie down in my grave, I am underground, surrounded by roots and damp earth. I do not feel panic or fear of any kind. I have transcended my physical body, I am experiencing this process with my energetic body. I know that I am dying to the aspects of myself which no longer serve my Highest Good, that limit my growth in this Life and beyond. I am willing to let these go, release the burdens I carry. I succumb to my death.
I preempted letting go of the deep dissatisfaction I feel about where I am in my life, the part of myself that worries endlessly, that feels that I am wasting my life, that feels disappointed with things as they are, that the conscious and unconscious choices I've made are somehow wrong. I know that there is no such thing as right and wrong, there just IS. These are labels of my own creation. This undermines my Highest intentions and incites fear within me and limits my progress. I wish to lay these down to rest for eternity and be satisfied with what IS, knowing that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. That all is well. I wish to move forward more easily and joyfully, fully awake, gently guided by my own internal light. I had a spontaneous thought and memory surface at this point. Something tender and raw bubbled up from deep inside my Being, calling forth to be heard, to be addressed and healed. I thought of the wounds I still carry and the part of my heart that has not forgiven the shaming and cruelty inflicted by my grandmother towards me as a child (and as an adult, all through my life really) about my weight. I would like to lay this pain down in my grave. I no longer wish to carry this. It is deeply buried but is still a part of me that holds me back. It makes me doubt my worthiness to be loved, it makes me deny the emergence of my own beauty and desirability. I would like to fully resolve my body issues and self esteem issues, to truly and totally recreate the negative internal dialogue I internalised and believed about my physical self. I release the victim I became. I release the shame. I forgive.
Once we have peacefully died to the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us and are able to shed these layers of pain and negativity, we are able to rise up, be reborn ~ more whole, lighter, freer. It was a glorious resurrection! I joyous returning to Life and living. I rise up out of my grave feeling energised, rejuvenated and full of life. I am in my physical body and feel powerful, strong, clear. There is no pain, no fear of any kind. I walk tall. There is an overwhelming sense of closure, of completion. I am free.
My angel cards read: 'EIREEN ~ Peace ~ There is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully' and 'ARCHANGEL URIEL ~ Your emotions are healing, which enables you to open to greater love. I will help you release anger and unforgiveness from heart and mind.' Clear reference to the two aspects of my Being that I brought to be healed in this meditation, the worrier and the unforgiving heart that still carries hurt and shame. Thank you, angels ~ for showing me that you hear me and that I am healing.
I felt amazing after this meditation, really tired and drained, I felt a shift and know that deep healing happened there. I slept very well that night, heavily and peacefully. The next day I had a surge of positive energy. I felt connected and full of hope. This work is transformational on many levels and Life is good!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
'Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.' ~ Author Unknown
It's been just over a week since I returned home (already!) and I'm still beaming with gratitude and the germination of the sweet seeds of connection, joy and peacefulness that were planted deep within my soul on this trip! What a wonderful holiday spent with dear friends at the seaside! A magical time spent in a magical place with magical people. It was a breath of fresh air in many ways. Thank you, thank you ~ my sweet Mich & her sweet Al!
What a privilege it was to see where you live, to experience your beautiful surroundings ~ the literal forest in your backyard, the gorge and the waterfall, your stunning home with all it's precious personal touches. The jaw-dropping 180° seascape that awaits when you walk out onto Al's folks' patio at Salt Rock. Thank you for opening your home to me, for sharing your space and your time with me, for inviting me along on our seaside excursion and including me in all the wonderful moments. It was ALL so special to me.
Thank you for ~ ~ ~ trips to and from the airport, for shopping excursions, for tea and crumpets with 'the works' at the botanical gardens (Aaah!), for breakfast together, for introductions to your wonderful friends and for beach days. There was a view above the clouds from a window seat, a long walk along the beachfront looking out at the silvery ocean reflecting the cloudy sky. There was shared butternut cheesecake and cappuccinos, a sumptuous Moroccan chicken potjiekos birthday celebration, the Brazilian-Italian homemade gnocchi adventure, sips of champagne, an Easter egg trail from bathroom door to bedroom, luxuriating hot baths with a few 'stolen' drops of expensive bath milk, afternoon naps, hot cross buns, pots of coffee, blogging on the iPhone, homemade sushi, Mich's banana bread, getting a tour of Mich's spectacular potted bonsai and succulent garden and naughty, naughty doggies jumping on my bed! There was the 21-day meditation challenge on earphones and a surprise back and neck massage! There were hammocks and sarongs and suntan lotion and seashells and dolphins and chocolate squares and Shiraz and star-gazing. There were bird cages and candles and incense and reading and beaded crafts. There was wading in rock pools and dips in the pool and climbing over rocks and watching Al catch waves and heart-to-hearts on the beach at sunset. There was laughter and there were tears, fun times together and moments of quiet solitude... This was a time for me to move out of my comfort zone, to accept your generous invitation (at last!) and learn the art of receiving. It was a time for me to reflect on my life, to start asking myself important questions like: 'why do I live where I do?' and 'why do I live alone?' These have been my choices. It was a time for me to feast my senses on awe-inspiring nature, to gulp the salty air, absorbing all the healing energy of the vast ocean and feed my soul.
This was a time of true personal growth for me. An exercise in trust ~ I had to leave my one-and-only little silver tigresse in the loving care of my brother while I was away. To learn how to prioritise my own needs, to let go and know she would be fine, to enjoy myself through the fog of worry and separation anxiety... Practice having the capacity to hold both simultaneously. It was a yet another new way for me to be in my body. I stripped down to a swimsuit in public for the first time in many years. I thought: 'These are my legs right now, they may be a bit flabby but so what? They can walk and run and jump and swim for me... let me enjoy this body that works, let's go swimming!' I'm learning to embrace my body as it is. I even wore sleeveless tops, something I never do on account of my self-consciousness about my upper arms! It felt good to be free. I just walked tall and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my shoulders. I've now returned to layers and layers of warm clothing as winter descends on us back on higher ground, I have the memory though and a different mindset to practice when spring arrives!
The south coast is green, lush, safer, relaxed, friendly, warm and welcoming. I know that one's experience of a place of a reflection of oneself in that place. If this is so, then I am a H-A-P-P-Y person in happy place. I love you guys. x
Sunday, May 8, 2011
'In my mother's house
There was happiness
I wrapped my myself in it
Was my chrysalis.
Shower me with your love
All of everyday
You make the red rose sun
Shine on me.
Lift me up so high
Watch me fly away
Give me life
Like a butterfly.' Lyrics from 'Butterfly' by Corinne Bailey Rae
Happy Mother's Day, Mom ~ I miss you, I love you. x