Wednesday, July 4, 2012
I'm in a state of confusion today and feeling quite sad. Disappointed. Not sure about things. Did I read into things? Is this what I thought it was or was I mistaken? Should I just thank the Universe for what this experience brought to me and move on? I fear that when you work on yourself at your deepest core, pushing yourself to share your true heart and it's not received well, it can shut you down again. Perhaps it's not just my own hang-ups showing up for a change and I'm not used to that! I won't be shut down, I've worked too hard on myself for that to happen. I thought to edit myself to please another was to let myself down, but is it truly? Can I learn to adapt to another's needs and still remain fully open and receptive? Is this what I'm here to learn from this? Am I not a generous, beautiful, open, desirable, available woman? I know my value and I KNOW my worth. I have SO much to give. I won't blindly seek love in the wrong places again, never, ever again. That is my sacred promise to myself. This is the source of my sadness, touching on repeating a pattern that broke my spirit so many years ago. I'd rather move on now than go there. I have some thinking to do... I remind myself today that love is infinite and everlasting, there is no shortage of it in my life. I AM made of Love, I don't ever need to search for it outside of myself. Today I choose to be grateful for what this IS right now, not what I'd like it to be and I give myself space to sit with this for a while. It's still happening, so I will let it unfold as it's meant to and just breathe.